The Entire British Empire Was Built On Cups Of Tea, and if You Think I'm Going to War Without One Mate, You're Mistaken

So I'm in England right now, and many people over the years have asked me what my fascination with this country is.

And I tell 'em... it's not about drums, drugs, and hospital drips, oh no. There's more there than that, my friend. We all like a bit of the good life - some the money, some the drugs, other the sex game, the glamour, or the fame. But a RocknRolla, oh, he's different. Why? Because a real RocknRolla wants the fucking lot.

(2nd Guy Ritchie movie quote of this post so far)

Actually, I'd have to attribute my love for England to my Dad (for those of you who know me, this is fairly obvious), who was born in England, Hull to be exact. My entire life I heard stories of him growing up with his buddies and the fun they had. It was all so different from when I was growing up (again, obviously). But I finally started to appreciate England when he took me to Kenilworth Castle. He would tell me about how when he was a kid, his brother and he would sneak in there when it closed and just messed around all night there. I couldn't imagine how much fun that would've been. I was 7 the first time I went there, I'm 23 now, and I still want to sneak in there after hours.

Then I went to my first football match; or as you might say, "soccer" match. Leeds United v West Ham United, August 17, 1993. 2 days before my 8th birthday. This is what really did it in for me. Gary Speed scored the only goal that game for LUFC, then my favorite team (I've been an avid Arsenal supporter since '98). They won on that lone goal, and I was forever a football fan. The culture surrounding a football game in England is like nothing you'll ever find in the States. Sure you can watch Green Street Hooligans, Football Factory and even Goal! to get a slight feel for it, but nothing, nothing, comes close to actually going to a game.

Later on in life, 5 years to be exact, Lock, Stock and 2 Smoking Barrels would come out. I thought I couldn't be any more English than I already was, but this movie made me want to be even more English. I'd never seen that side of England, the 'gritty' side as they call it. All I had seen is what my Dad wanted me to see, which was usually the historic places, the tourist places, and the inside of my Grandparents house. I wanted to talk like they did, do the things they did, have a dad who owned a bar, know a guy named Barry The Baptist who worked for a guy named 'Hatchet' Harry who owned a sex shop. But no, I was stuck in little ol' Evanston. At that point in my life (13 years of age), I had probably been to England 16 times, and never, not once, did it even cross my mind that the England of LSa2SB even existed. Then of course Snatch hit, and I was done.

A few years ago, I actually started reading books about the history of England. It's fascinating stuff, I tell you. Romans, Vikings, Saxons, French kings, Mel Gibson. Did you know, that King Richard The Lion Hearted (the one from Robin Hood lore), was actually French, didn't speak a word of English, and only spent about 2 months in England during his reign? Bet you didn't. King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table wasn't real either, but I'm sure you knew that.

Every time I come to this country, I discover something new about it. Actually, that's a lie, I haven't found anything new this time around, but I've only been here 2 days, and I leave tomorrow. So jog on.

Looking at my passport now, which was renewed in July of '04, I've been to England 11 times. I'm being told that I'd been to England 23 times on my old passport, which I had from birth. If you'd been to a foreign country 34 times in 23 years, and 11 times in less than 5 years, I'm sure you'd be proud of it too.

For the record, I'm probably the only Englishman you'll ever meet who doesn't drink, or much like, tea.

No Youtube videos today folks, my grandpa's computer is too old to watch them. Deal wif it.